Grieving is a hard process to negotiate even if you do believe in Reincarnation. Even if you do believe in Spirit Guides, Visitations, Fringe Dwellers and the After life. Grieving can take a hell of a lot out of you. In my life I’ve said goodbye to all my grandparents, parents, god parents and my oldest childhood friend. That’s a whole lotta grieving.
I think its natural for people to want to make contact with their loved ones on the Other Side. We know we’ll be reunited ‘one day’ but meanwhile we’d still like the occasional visit, the check in, just to say ‘hey’, just to let us know they’re alright.
I was fortunate to have had the relationship I did with my Mother. We were as contrary as two people could be. If she said black I’d say white. If she said she couldn’t, I’d say she could if only she would choose to. We were opposite ends of the same pole. We fought as only a mother and daughter can, but in the end, at the end of the day we knew we loved each other.
I remember once going to visit her and about 3 hours into our weekend turning to her and saying, “You drive me nuts. You will understand if I tell you that I love you like crazy and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, but I can only handle being around you for about an hour before going stark raving mad!” Luckily she laughed, and responded that she understood, because she felt exactly the same way. We had an odd relationship my Mother and I, but I never doubted her love for me or vice verse.
When Mom was diagnosed with multiple Myeloma she was told by her oncologist that this form of cancer was so rare she stood a better chance of winning a lottery than having this disease. As was Mom’s custom to think negatively she said, “That’s my luck, my lottery. If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have none at all.” Of course the movie ‘The Secret’ wasn’t out yet and any talk of ‘creating your reality’ was not a topic I could broach with her. When I tried we fought. It was MY life lesson to learn to let go. To let go trying to save her from her negative thinking and just ‘be’ with her as she went through this difficult time in her life. Letting someone ‘have at’ their negativity is a particularly tough one for me to swallow as I’m a fighter and don’t do victim third Chakra issues. Playing the victim has always rubbed me the wrong way which is precisely the reason I reincarnated as this woman’s child no doubt (lol). Nonetheless, I loved her fiercely and it was one of the hardest things I will ever do to have simply been present, and bare witness over the last ten weeks of her life. Her mind slipped away as the toxins filled her body and the morphine barely kept the pain at bay. She eventually elapsed into her first tongue as a French Canadian. That is when she would speak at all.
There were moments of lucidity.
One of those precious moments I made sure to ask her to do something for me. I asked her to promise to pay me a visitation after she passed just to let me know that where ever she was, she was ok.
A promise is not something she would give she said, as she didn’t know what waited for her on the Other Side, and so she didn’t want to promise something she didn’t know if she could deliver on. She had always been a woman of her word, and since she did not give it lightly she would not do so now. However, with a little grin and mischief in her eyes she did say that we all knew how stubborn she was, and if there was a way, she would find it.
My Mother passed two days before her birthday on Feb. 19th and fulfilled her non-promise to me on my birthday that same year, April 23rd.
It was somewhere in the wee hours around 3-4am when I woke to stumble from the couch towards my bedroom. In that half sleep state I was on auto pilot groping for familiar landmarks so that I wouldn’t have to open my eyes when my Mother’s voice filled both my head and the room.
“Happy Birthday Sweetheart” was all she said.
My eyes jerked open as I felt the essence of her pass through the room and instantly my knees hit the floor, tears falling freely I answered.
“I heard you mom loud and clear. You got through. You found a way. Thank you.”
So if you ask me about the after life, of this I have no doubt. Thank you Mom, and thank you for my second visit too.